I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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