You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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