I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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