We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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