I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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