Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
