Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
