I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How does one acquire holy water?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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