I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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