I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
