just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How external is "for external use only"?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
