This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
