dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize