Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Randomize
