She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
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Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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