If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
