Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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