Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
