I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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