So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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