Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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