I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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