If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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