did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
