Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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