none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
