This is not my ceiling
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
