You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
