i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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