im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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