He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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