Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
