Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
