fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just cropdusted the office
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
