Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
