im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
