Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
