i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
