He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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