Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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