My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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