there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
