you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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