would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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