dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
