My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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