god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
