I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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