Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
As shirtless as possible
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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