some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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