paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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