I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Randomize
