A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
