You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
