First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
