Whod you bang
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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