shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
