he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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