Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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