evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
even my farts smell like vagina
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
