Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
