just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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