i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
