Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
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Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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