ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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