i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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