turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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