When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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