can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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