so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
