someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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