The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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