If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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