I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
