I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
