I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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